There is a burning in my stomach. It’s a familiar feeling, although not one I enjoy experiencing. I can even name it (ahem…them), and that makes me angry.
Allow all the feelings.
That’s what I am supposed to do. Allow them to wash over and then right out of me so that I can continue on without getting stuck. I HATE THAT.
This burning in my stomach is because there are so many emotions hitting at once, and I can’t figure out which one to allow through first. So I’m going to name them and hopefully be able to let them go.
Anxiety: What if I cannot get everything done? And on top of that basic anxiety, what if I can’t get everything done well? What if someone judges me for not doing “right?” What if something slips through the cracks?
Fear: I’m afraid of this new change. What does that mean for me? What does it even look like?
Excitement: I feel excited and enthusiastic about the possibilities.
Anger: I am angry that I have all of these emotions. I am also angry at how hard managing everything is.
Joy: There is so much joy in seeing hard work pay off.
Grief: In this final stage of letting go, I am sad. I am sad that the life I struggled to find peace in has ended in a way that was unexpected.
Happiness: As I look to the past and to the future, there is happiness in many parts of my life story. I am happy that I have had the privilege to experience many things, many thoughts, and many transitions. I am happy that my kids love me well.
Peace: In the midst of all of these emotions, there is a knowing. A knowing that cements all of the feelings into the peaceful realization that all is well. This is where I am supposed to be at this time.
Today is like the official funeral for my previous life. It’s over, and I don’t know what life will look like in the after.
I am a new person, and I get to rest in knowing that.
Loella Reina 