Never in my wildest imagination did ever picture myself being a single mom.
Although my marriage was rough, I had the privilege of staying at home and managing the household. Just saying…managing a house full of kids while also providing for it is a totally different experience.
I am exhausted!
The learning curve has been steep and good grief, it has not been easy!
Just getting the Christmas decorations up has been a “thing.”
It has been difficult for all of us. My kids are accustomed to me being available 24/7. Me not being available is hard to adjust to.
I am used to being able to get things done in my own time and at my own pace. Now, I have to look at my schedule and see where I have extra minutes to do anything and everything.
There is no margin.
This is not me complaining.
I actually think that I like this new life. But it is not easy.
Y’all. I am tired. And the bills keep coming. And it’s HARD to keep doing the next right thing. Weariness is simply a part of life these days.
As Christmas gets closer, I realize how blessed I am. I have a job. I get to go to school. I have a house. I have food. 3 of my kids are here. (And 1 is coming home Thursday!)
But I also notice how little time I have to ponder the beauty of the season. I do really, really miss that. Oh, I read, and I pray, and I go to church, but I long for those days when my brain could relax and be fully present…it seems as though distraction is my norm lately.
I really do miss having margin in my life.